I\u2019m a horrible person. I\u2019ve mentioned it before, right? I tell myself that many times throughout my life. Matter of fact, I\u2019ve been saying it to myself this past month. I\u2019ve mentioned my love for self-loathing and how I’ve managed to benefit from it. It\u2019s definitely the neurosis, but then again, I highly doubt it. See, I can\u2019t decide which is it. I entertained the notion that I have several problems that I usually amplify, so I can\u2019t find solutions for, or possibly I’m thinking highly of myself. Am I condescending? Narrowed-minded? Am I unintentionally hurting people? Are expectations embedded in me when I befriend someone? Again, it maybe me thinking highly of myself, thinking, \u201cOh, I may have an affect towards that person, so I scarred them for life.\u201d Usually I can fix this. I try not to distance myself but I find comfort if someone doesn\u2019t have to deal with my nuance and my inability to relate or appreciate them. The solution is there, somewhere. It\u2019s quite a mess. In the middle of the clutter, I\u2019ll find the perfect matching socks.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s been quite awhile since I’ve posted something. Life\u2019s not grand, but it hasn\u2019t been awful too. It\u2019s neither here nor there. It\u2019s definitely not stagnant. Possibly I\u2019m just passing the time. I wanted to post something every week this past month but I became lethargic. I know, I know, not this again. I used it as an excuse so I can be insufficient. It\u2019s sad.<\/p>\n
Beginning this week I\u2019ll try my best to post something. Something less cynical and bleak, I promise. Really, I will. I swear.<\/p>\n
Until next time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m a horrible person. I\u2019ve mentioned it before, right? I tell myself that many times throughout my life. Matter of fact, I\u2019ve been saying it to myself this past month. I\u2019ve mentioned my love for self-loathing and how I’ve managed to benefit from it. It\u2019s definitely the neurosis, but then again, I highly doubt it. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.abayarts.com\/benjaminabaya\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.abayarts.com\/benjaminabaya\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.abayarts.com\/benjaminabaya\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.abayarts.com\/benjaminabaya\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.abayarts.com\/benjaminabaya\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.abayarts.com\/benjaminabaya\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":44,"href":"http:\/\/www.abayarts.com\/benjaminabaya\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43\/revisions\/44"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.abayarts.com\/benjaminabaya\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.abayarts.com\/benjaminabaya\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.abayarts.com\/benjaminabaya\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}