Life’s Ambiguity.

Perhaps this will make sense in a couple of years from now. I’m talking about this blog, in case you were wondering. Yes, you, the only person that was eagerly waiting patiently for this post. This won’t be riveting, I apologize. I was supposed to write something awesome yesterday, which was Sunday, but I was irritated, which lead to frustration, which ultimately lead to the lack of commitment. Commitment is such a wonderful word, that’s easily taken for granted. Not entirely sure where this post will go, because it’s all impromptu, and it’s quite difficult to write anything creative nowadays, especially if you lack creativity in your life.

Once again, I’m here deprecating my life’s decisions. I know you’re tired of all this, and I don’t blame you. For me, this is somewhat therapeutic, and many times, my way to abstract my rationality into a more efficient manner, without going all the way insane. At first, I wanted to write something about this past week, what I’ve done to consume entertainment, but I haven’t done anything at all, or at least nothing worthwhile. It’s like life’s one huge veil of anxiety and uncertainty. Don’t get me wrong, although I speak about despair and loneliness, I’m not entirely about melancholy, I’m just quite middling in life. I don’t believe in going with the flow of things though, and probably that’s the case, I want to drive my own ship to the harbor. I don’t like the fact that I have to rely on the “flow”, I want to make my own course through life.

Incidentally, that’s not easy to do; making your own course through life. I’m about to turn three decades old in less than a year from now. That’s quite terrifying. This is where I should be comparing and contrasting everyone’s lives, whether they’re five years younger or five years older, it’s all quite terrifying, the uncertainty. I don’t want to say I’m bitter, especially for the success of my friends, who’ve rightfully, and who’ve worked hard at deserving everything — no I won’t be that person, I don’t want to be that person. I just need something drastic in my life to occur, but hopefully not tragic. Something that may change my course in life, for the better. Perhaps, between the prayers and being optimistic about life in general, isn’t enough. I have to push myself to move forward. Get out of being dormant. Perhaps, I need to take my own advice, instead of dwelling into life’s ambiguity. Perhaps the time is now? Perhaps, I have to stop.

Until next time.