Stagnant.

I’m a horrible person. I’ve mentioned it before, right? I tell myself that many times throughout my life. Matter of fact, I’ve been saying it to myself this past month. I’ve mentioned my love for self-loathing and how I’ve managed to benefit from it. It’s definitely the neurosis, but then again, I highly doubt it. See, I can’t decide which is it. I entertained the notion that I have several problems that I usually amplify, so I can’t find solutions for, or possibly I’m thinking highly of myself. Am I condescending? Narrowed-minded? Am I unintentionally hurting people? Are expectations embedded in me when I befriend someone? Again, it maybe me thinking highly of myself, thinking, “Oh, I may have an affect towards that person, so I scarred them for life.” Usually I can fix this. I try not to distance myself but I find comfort if someone doesn’t have to deal with my nuance and my inability to relate or appreciate them. The solution is there, somewhere. It’s quite a mess. In the middle of the clutter, I’ll find the perfect matching socks.

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted something. Life’s not grand, but it hasn’t been awful too. It’s neither here nor there. It’s definitely not stagnant. Possibly I’m just passing the time. I wanted to post something every week this past month but I became lethargic. I know, I know, not this again. I used it as an excuse so I can be insufficient. It’s sad.

Beginning this week I’ll try my best to post something. Something less cynical and bleak, I promise. Really, I will. I swear.

Until next time.